Quickies: 5 Jobs Your Smartphone Took From Actual Humans



Technology’s purpose is to improve the quality of life of those that benefit from it.

These days it seems more like technology is the enemy. Between drones, cyber attacks, the looming Artificial Intelligence horizon, and overall dependency, it’s a bit unclear as to who is really in charge: the humans or the machines?

One thing’s for sure, though. Technology is taking jobs from people fast than Ray Kurzweil can explain “The Singularity.” And it’s not Hal 9000 or Watson, the game show winning computer taking the jobs, it’s your smartphone.

I know, right?

Take a look at the 5 jobs your smartphone is taking from actual human beings and then take a look towards the future. It may be time to go back to school.


Hulk out with you bulk out, bro.

Personal Trainer
Your smartphone can measure your heart rate, count your steps, calculate caloric intake, and with the help of a few nifty apps, help you eat well and stay physically fit. All at a cost so low you wouldn’t even notice it. Of course there’s no substitute for human interaction, and a smartphone has yet to develop the ability to “spot” you at the gym, but unless you’re trying to hulk out with your bulk out, that shouldn’t be a gamechanger.


Take a message, bae.

Your smartphone can send and receive all mediums of correspondence, on virtually all levels. It can take notes, set appointments, schedule time on your calendar, answer any question you have with pinpoint accuracy, and it doesn’t require lunch breaks and paychecks. It may not look as good in a dress as the redhead on Mad Men — but that’s what porn the Internet is for.


The watcher. See what I...Never mind.

The Watch Guy
I own quite a few watches and I coordinate them with my outfits. But I don’t even know if they are still running half of the time because I don’t use them in the practical sense. Thanks to the future becoming the present, timepieces have been relegated to the fashion district, and as a result of them no longer being a necessity, that means your local watch guy is out of a gig. People only wear watches for show these days. They instinctively grab at their phones to check the time. That means no more watch batteries to replace. No more exotic bands to pawn off onto impulse customers. Granted — there has been a surge in smartwatch purchases, but those are more electronic device than actual timepiece. The Watch Guy is essential a jewelry custodian now. Luckily for him, rappers people will never stop needing their jewels polished.


Paperboy: the video game you've probably never played.

Some years ago, the paperboy become the paperman. He traded in his bike with the handlebar basket and hopped in the back of a pickup truck. The only problem is that physical newspapers have been replaced with digital periodicals. There’s no need for a delivery when all you need to know that day is already on your phone, waiting to be read. Once again, technology pisses on the little guy saves the day. And not for nothing, but it would be awfully expensive to hurl laptops and smartphones at people’s homes.


This is NOT Karl Malone.

Mail Carrier
Not to be confused with the package delivery guy, the mail carrier essentially drops off bills, documents of importance, and junk mail. Tons of junk mail. Seriously, there’s a pile of junk mail under the mailboxes in our complex every week. Scores of trees murdered senselessly just so we can ignore a fistful of coupons for food we won’t eat. In theory, every bill can be paid online, right through your phone. I do it. Important documents can be received/delivered also, for that matter. My emailbox sees way more action than my actual mailbox. Realistically, a day may come when parcel delivery services outlive the government’s branch of mail delivery.

Welcome to the future. It was yesterday.

Words by Tony Grands
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One comment on “Quickies: 5 Jobs Your Smartphone Took From Actual Humans

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