‘Mike Tyson, Kobe Bryant, & The (Un)Friendly Skies’


“As announced on Larry King, Mike Tyson will become the face of LV Air and bring this amazing new carrier into the limelight of local, national and international aviation” via FlyLVAirNow.com

I’ve been on an airplane twice in my life. The first time I was semi-buzzed, but the second time, no dice. &, I chose the window seat. In hindsight, it was probably more an attempt to impress my then-girlfriend, rather than to satisfy any natural curiosity. I didn’t really want to see those wings bounce & flop with the turbulence. Also, I refuse to believe that people find joy &/or amusement in being in a flying box, with no where to go, if need be, but heaven or hell. Fuck all that. I don’t fly because I don’t really have a need to. In fact, the furthest place I’ve ever been is Louisiana, & we drove there. But, that’s neither here nor there.

Some people depend on air travel like bums depend on free bus rides, though; for business purposes. Those people, even though numb to the dangers of flying, are still cognizant of the peripherals. For example, they pick specific airlines, for whatever reasons, & will complain if they find another potential passenger too terrorist-y. Regardless, perhaps I’m not up on my celebrity endorsements knowledge like I should be, but are famous folk pitching woo’s for airplane companies now? Is that what’s hot in the streets?

Not that I give a monkey’s tonsil, I’m just saying.

First, this Kobe Bryant vs The Armenian Nation via Turkish Airlines is getting so out of hand that, if I were him, Turkey could keep their little ol’ money. There’s really no reason for me to equate airplane flights with Kobe to begin with. He doesn’t fly nearly as much as he used to. He’s more equipped to sell me brake pads, or condoms, than a fantastic voyage to a country I don’t have any business being in, in the first place.

^notice the ball…

I guess it works, but for the record, there’s plenty of attractive actors & actresses that would sell those types of tickets in times like these with less hassle. It would behoove some buffoon to note that Kobe’s not even married to another Black person, which is it’s own set of in-grown headaches, without involving religious persecutions & what not.

According to LV Air, Iron Mike Tyson is now the face of it’s Las Vegas-based airline. [Sidenote: It’s common knowledge that Mike is a permanent fixture of the city, so on that level, it’s a somewhat smart move.] It offers all the necessities for the young, rich, & overly important douche nozzle traveler such as: a 24/7 concierge, never having to wait in line, & other wealthy people bullshittery. Nothing is wrong with that, & if you have the monies to piss away, I say make it rain on them bitches. However, Mike may not be the guy you want inviting customers to your booth, so to speak.

‘The Hangover’ was an okay flick & all, but it’s not a customer-service worthy performance or anything. No shots, Mike. What Mike could sell me, though, is medication, because I’ve seen him lay grown men down in seconds. Some even curled up like it was indeed nap-time. That’s that cough syrup shit right there. Robitussen would be beating down his publicist’s door. But then again, what do I know? I’m just a writer.

Besides, & correct me if I’m wrong, but the last fight Mike had was…at an airport! If I remember that, with all the problems that today’s Black man has on his mind, best believe that rich White people with nothing better to do remember as well. Now that’s he’s the “face” of the company, I can’t wait to see what spin the advertising department plans for that ghastly thing on his left cheek bone.

Good luck to both of them, regardless. & if you or someone you know happens to be in contact with either man, slide this link to ’em. Hopefully, they’ll know what to do with it.

I’ll be at the Greyhound station if you need me.