The Adventures of Lil Wayne

“This is Lil Wayne going to jail. Nobody I can talk to can tell me what that’s like, I just say I’m looking forward to it.”-Lil Wayne

Rappers, regardless of skill level, have 2 sure fire ways of promotion that have yet to be challenged. Go to jail, or get killed. Tupac was a decent rapper but when he started having run-ins with the law, ultimately going to jail for a crime he may or may not having committed (trial was pending when he was murdered), his stock skyrocketed. Somehow, I doubt Suge Knight would have been concerned with the former Art school student had he not banked such a hard left in life. Yet & still, as popular as he’d become on Death Row Records, the best career move he could’ve made was going to the Mike Tyson fight, in Las Vegas. Dude became bigger than life. Literally. Too bad he’s not around to see it (???).

As far as Dwayne Carter d/b/a Lil Wayne, he may be setting himself up for the next level of his cult-like status. The self-proclaimed “best rapper alive” is headed to being the “King of Rap“. Unlike TI, who for the most part maintained the image of a good dude, even after being arrested for a few guns, Wayne has already proved he really is a martian by laying his seed in a multitude of host carriers, which officially seperates him from all these humans blabbering about earthly possessions. He “successfully” Michael Jordan’d the music game, with ‘Rebirth’, & to make his uban legend complete, a soon-to-be paid vacation, courtesy of the state of New York.

That gives Nicki Minaj & Drake about 8 months to make enough noise to actually be considered legitimate artists one day. No shots, but I have no idea who else is signed to Young Money records. Although, Tyga had that one song, but I think I’m the only person who ever heard it. Drake, being the level headed cannuck that he is, has already taken his destiny into his own hands. He’s organized a tour, with fellow Canadian rapster K-OS, that not only will he be headlining (without so much as a new song or actual album being released), but it also boasts an eco-friendly tour bus, or some shit. I figured Drake would be well into his second release by this time, but no dice. That says a lot about the music industry when being half-Jewish can’t help you. Nicki Minaj, on the other hand, has a potty mouth equaled only by a young Kim Jones, yet, she’s on Twitter begging for the return of a stuffed monkey named Oscar Apparently she has drugs, or a very powerful dildo inside of it, because she’s offering $50,000 reward. Yeah, fifty grand. Adult women with stuffed animals are already a red flag, but this solidifies her “crazy bitch” status. Either way, their boss is headed to Riker’s Island. & really though, fuck that place.

Not only do my Tony-senses tell me this won’t be the last of Wayne’s nigganometry, but it will only increase his value. Even his sentencing has a buzz, being pushed back due to oral surgery (read: if the dentist doesn’t take out all those expensive-ass teeth, his cellie will). He’ll be in & out before we know it, & back on his grind of music, drugs & unprotected sex.

Wait, I just remembered he still has some business to tend to in the last state to recognize MLK’s birthday as a holiday. Good luck with that, Weezianimal. If any rapper can take the “most niggerish” title away from DMX, it’s Dwayne Carter. & it’s only February.

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10 responses

  1. Hey Grands!

    You know something? I wouldn’t be surprised if Lil Wayne’s “oral surgery” is really to get his mouth and asshole sewed shut. Dude is THAT crazy. What with all of the drugs, tattoos and other atrocities he inflicts on his body, I wouldn’t put it past him. I mean, if I was going to Riker’s Island (yikes!) for a year I’d consider every possibility of how not to be forced to… eww, I can’t even type it!

  2. Goddamn this little mutant. I hate to admit that I read the Rolling Stone interview and I still don’t feel bad for the dude. (I hate admitting to reading his shit, the not giving a fuck part is all fact.) This fraudulent muthafucka is on the cover flashing a blood sign! Who in their right mind gets famous and wealthy, then “joins” a gang? I don’t recall seeing the Cash Money boys with red flags until that shit became fashionable.

    “This is Lil Wayne going to jail. Nobody I can talk to can tell me what that’s like, I just say I’m looking forward to it.”

    Really? That shit is not a vacation! No sane man would want to spend any amount of time in the bing. Especially if you’re only 5’6″ in high heels. With a little luck someone in PC breaks a #2 pencil off deep in his ribs as a welcome present.

    Ugh, this fucker needs a wake up call. Rape and a pancake? Cock and a crepe?

    1. “With a little luck someone in PC breaks a #2 pencil off deep in his ribs as a welcome present.”

      ^^Fucked up…but hilarious!

  3. LOL @ Cap G

    Wayne better hope no one in the court saw the fukkery he posted on Ustream, the judge may give him the whole year plus…and I’m thinking AZ is gonna say guilty there, guilty here…if Charles Barkley can do a skid bid there, so can Wayne…

    1. Charles might be a fat fuck now but atleast he’s still able to handle himself. Wayne ? Not so much. This nigga has no size whatsoever. With him, protection is gonna be needed before he’s made an example of. And you know they will put it out there quickly !!

  4. this once im not going to comment on somebody careless actions which leads to there own self-destruction!!! everybody self destruction!!! (you either old enough to get it, or your not going to get it) I want to speak on Nicki Minaj and Drake. Minaj has a guess feature with one of the most popular artist of all time right now. If she doesnt capitalize off that golden oppourtunity and put some heat out there (if thats even possible) then she is a failure. We have been fed this Nickimania for 2-3 years now and I have yet to hear anything impressive. Now about Drake, I said this over at the extra large spot that he is Baron Davis blowing a go ahead lay-up to keep him/ his team in the game. Your time is running out.

  5. [...] appeared way stupider than necessary. He would’ve done better just giving a shout out to Dwayne Carter. & let us remember, regardless of social status or monetary value, people are generally stupid. [...]

  6. It’s sad that you’re right in that his jail-stint might actually make the chihuahua looking effer even more popular.

  7. Wayne wont be in gen pop cuz they dont put the mentally handicapped in gen pop.

  8. I stumbled onto your blog and read a few post. I like your style of writing.

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