Writers spend a good majority of their “careers” explaining things to people (be it right, wrong, or indifferent), when their initial intention is to spark ideas, or feed fuel to a conversation. Really though, all writers genuinely crave (aside from monetary reciprocity for their skill set) is to know that they’ve successfully constructed something that makes a reader embrace a new concept, debate it entirely, or something to that effect.
That said, instead of me writing about what a cumbersome year Hip Hop had in 2010, let’s ALL write about it, so to speak.
I jotted down some of my favorite 2010 lowlight moments the other day, with a post in mind about said zaniness. But, I figure such a loose topic would be better suited as a public service. [Sidenote: The lowlights are moments that, had it not been for them already being famous, would’ve probably been pretty embarrassing to all parties involved.] Also, y’all niggas always have hilarious comments.
It’s Friday, & even if you’re at work, you know damn well you’re not doing anything but backwards hustling, because you’re reading this. (Seriously, let’s all have some fun with this shit. It’s not a contest.)
🙂
• Ross Vs Jeezy
• Hammer vs Jay
• Beanie Sigel (Jay beef)
• Nicki Vs Kim
• Wyclef running for president of Haiti
• Kim Vs Drake
• TI going back to jail
• TI’s awful character in ‘Takers‘
• DJ Vlad sues Rapper Rick Ross for assault
• Hip Hop vs Yung Berg’s Chain
• Waka Flocka Flame getting shot & beat-up in less than a month, without an album out
• Rappers vs IRS
• The disappointment of the ‘Wu-Massacre’ EP
• Solar The Super-Producer
• Chippy D & Brian Pumper (?)
• Ice Cube’s incoherent fist-shaking at the “New West“
&…go!
Digital Hip Hop godfather website OnSmash (among many other similar sites) was seized by the government last week, in what’s turning out to be quite the tumultuous crackdown on illegal music. (As if there’s such a thing as illegal music.)
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re familiar with the situation, & don’t need a lengthy explanation. If you’re not familiar, & you chose not to jump the previous link, here’s your chance to redeem yourself.
Briefly, the feds decided to shut down a fist full of hip hop file-sharing (fancysmancy term for “piracy”) sites for off-loading their illegal wares, respectively. This isn’t the first time it’s happened, nor will it be the last time. However, this is the first time I’ve been so close to “ground zero” that I could see how it’s affected the Hip Hop community. Or more specifically, the bloggersphere.
The blogger has become the new DJ, as I’ve mentioned here before. Several times, in fact. Now, with this being a proven fact in 2010, it seems the majors would be more willing to play ball with The Internets, if only because people aren’t so quick to toss hard-hustled recession dollars at disposable bullshit. [Sidenote: People are generally lazy & cheap as a primal reflex, & that’s such a given that I’m surprised certain laws still exist in the 21st century. Just saying.] In a day where the dollar is as limited as people’s attention spans, any thing worth selling, is worth taking. Possibly even more so, depending on the type of thief involved. Point is, the buyers & sellers coexist with the takers. To combat such a maximum force would probably just end in a bunch of shenannigans that neither party really wanted to deal with in the first place. Clearly the type of “bit off more than I’m willing to chew for this long” scenario that usually happens when people allow their emotions to guide their proverbial hand(s).
Boycotting The Machine wouldn’t help much in the long term, because like many rap fanatics will concur, Hip Hop music is addictive. Niggas (& I use the term extremely loosely–as I always do) even call it “crack,” even though there’s an 80% chance that one of their close relatives is dead or in prison behind crack. Which kind of further validates the point that, no matter the adversity, Hip Hop music is oddly resilient. Unstoppable, even.
I saw on Twitter where somebody tweeted “shutdown 1 [site], 50[more] pop-up,” in reference to the OnSmash situation. & as basic as that statement is, it’s tantamount to a battle cry. The cry, alone, may be meek & hard to make out, especially with such a recent uproar, but it’s still a call to arms. & all it takes is for 1 other soldier to answer.
If the major labels, & all their trolling henchmen, refuse to allow a communication bridge to be built between their glorious tower attics & our humble basement dwellings, then the new breed DJ’s may need to find “work” elsewhere. See, the sole reason there’s an “underground” to begin with, is the divide of success & failure, so to speak. Who determines that? The audience. Why? Because of what they’re exposed to. If that changes, then that changes, if you smell my cologne. Ask Master P how easy it is to change a million minds.
The Machine is in charge of it’s property, & I totally respect that. So, like my father taught me many moons ago, “if they don’t want you to play with their shit, fuck ’em. Go get your own.” Indeed. Sound advice I should probably apply in a bunch of different places as well.
Hammer thought he’d go at Jay-Z on a theatrical note. Kind of like the first time your cousin, who was previously smaller than you, gains a little weight & wears the schmedium wife-beater, just to let you know he’s in the room.
Hammer thought niggas still respect dance moves, since they’re always making club songs. He brought the club to Jay-Z’s face. (No camel jokes.)
Hammer thought that office scene made him look like a King. Nah. It made him look like a douchenozzle with White weed carriers on stand-by.
Hammer thought the less the amount of Black faces around him, the more successful he’d look. That’s just that “burned a few bridges” shit. Just saying.
Hammer thought that surrounding himself with MMA fighters gives him the glow of toughness that the bald head couldn’t. I doubt what he shits makes them wipe. Plus, people don’t like to be threatened, however discreetly, especially when they hang out with Steadman’s boss & play Blackberry tag with Barry-O.
Hammer thought that he didn’t have to hire a ghost writer like everybody else. Silly man. Rap dudes are getting foreclosed on. Young Buck would’ve had something folded in his back pocket, ready to rhyme like a rap virgin, if Hammer had put the word out on the Tweeter.
Hammer thought Jay would help his career. #Fail What he should’ve done was start arbitrary Twitter beef with Rev. Run. That would’ve been biblical.
Hammer thought we’d forget that he came out in the video where he rapped & danced with an apparently aroused penis in his mankini briefs. Not that he was surrounded by voluptuosity or anything. Dude was just wooded for nothing. [Sidenote: Pause. Not searching for that link. Sorry. I refuse to.]
Hammer thought that because he was a ball boy for the Oakland A’s that his street cred could take a hit as huge as eternal footage of him air humping in a unitard, with a room full of sweaty ass, grown men screaming “Please, Hammer, Don’t Hurt ‘Em!.”
Hammer thought that beef was his only way back on the map, when all he really need was another great dance move & some pants to match it.
Hammer thought Jay-Z was a more lucrative target than Soulja Boy. Please, Soulja Boy would’ve coked-out all over WorldStar by now. Ebay would subsequently be flooded with gold-rimmed Gazelle’s & technicolor diaper trousers. A virtually win-win for any bodybuilder within keystroke range.
Really though, go get ’em, Hammer. Why the hell not…
tonygrands.com 